Blank Paper Projects

Hate is a strong word. I try to avoid using the word ‘hate’ and replace it with despise, detest, or dislike. When I am not busy detesting something I am finding it difficult accepting its existence. Like those sneakers with a concealed wedge, or those full length jump suits (how do you pee?). Here is a list of things you will hate in your 20s (or at least I do).

1. Spreadsheets: A little part of me has died every time I have had to work with a spreadsheet. I have mentally shouted at the person who has given me this detestable thing by screeching “I am a fucking writer” and then kicked him into a bottomless pit 300-movie style.  Every time a writer is told to work on a spreadsheet by the evil spawn of a devil, an innocent turtle just dies under the weight of his own shell.

2. Hair and skin advices in newspapers: It’s the same get-a-regular-trim, follow a toner-moisturiser routine over again with new fancy pictures.

3. Keratine advice: Every time you go for a haircut, the hairdresser will run her fingers through your hair and then do the usual lip-compression, before telling you to get the Keratine treatment for your hair. I wish someone would just tell the hairdresser: “Look babe, I know what keratin means. I know my hair looks like a haystack with split ends. I don’t want my mane to survive apocalypse or something. So just zip it and give me the damn haircut.”

4. So called respectable members of the society: There is no such thing as respectable members.  We all are sinners with hidden skeletons in our closets. Just because you have crossed menopause/ had a baby/ gave donations doesn’t mean you get to play Mrs self-righteous here. The only people who have the right to feel self-righteous are those who adopt stray kittens and puppies.

5. Coriander: I don’t know really what coriander has ever done to a dish than make it look like a storm just blew over your soup.

6. People with money always talking about how broke they are: We all have at least one such person in our lives, if not more. Sometimes having money makes you feel guilty in front of bunch of broke friends. But seriously don’t be. You never know when all the money your dad laundered out of years and years of corruption might get exposed, leaving you with nothing.

7. Patterned manicures: (and girls calling manicures “manis”) I don’t see the point why your nails should be turned into an abstract piece of art.

8. Mothers who put lipsticks on their baby girls or subject them to beauty pageants: They should be reported to Prevention and Treatment of Child Abuse Foundation.

9. 30s something blowing bubbles and acting all ‘teenagy’: It’s okay to go running around like a headless chicken when you are drunk but it’s not cute when grown ass men start blowing bubbles and get their pictures taken.

10. Boys wearing checkered shorts: That fashion died with Fresh Prince of Bel Air. Unless you want to prove you are a dork to your friends I don’t think wearing that shorts made of checkered tablecloth is really the vacation dress.

11. Price of Redbull: Since the world is comfortably high on caffeine it doesn’t seem to matter, I guess. But can I just buy a can of Redbull without waiting for my payday?